thisguy

due to server problems, i've lost a chunk of journal entries since i migrated thisguysplace from unidleproject to eatingchaos.

rebuilding is painstaking and i have to retweak things till i'm comfortable enough again to write here. in a way this is refreshing to - to rebuild, rethink identities etc. but more often than not, i go the safe route and take the easy way out - rehashing designs and templates used lifetimes before.

stay tuned while i get this thing back up.

thank god for the mothership.

my folks are out of town for a month and my sister's got herself officially hitched. so i've been living alone for the past couple of weeks with only joel for company.

tonight after many kind invitations from my godmother, i had dinner in the house i spent a chunk of my childhood in. tasting familiar home-cooking, using familiar cutlery and basking in a vibe that brought me way back in time to simpler days. i really should spend more time there.

after dinner i kind of hung out with my god-brothers (technically my god-cousins) who are about my age when i used to practically live in my godmother's house.

time seems to sometimes stand still in places familiar, yet somehow, decay has a way of setting into the most static of circumstances.

tonight i was Pip at 23, standing in Miss Havisham's house, remembering days past in a place that still looks and feels the same after all this while, even though the events that have passed through it have changed everything.

jian came over today to imbibe, harrass joel and naturally we ended up jamming. it was good to have things fall into harmony. music makes sense when all else fails. when i told him that these days i feel as if music just doesn't do it for me, i don't think i earnestly meant it.

it's been awhile since i last felt anything at all.

aside from mild disappointment in a number of instances, the only other emotion i've had lately is quiet pride for work done well and recognised.

"it's been so long since i've been running by myself"

---

my shopping list seems to be spilling over... by the end of this weekend i aim to acquire :

• a new belt
  
• dinner/evening shirts
  
• new soles for my shoes
  
• or new shoes
  
• a dark plain-ish tie
  
• swimming bermudas
  
• casual bermudas (i'm not sure if i'm getting this right...)
  
• good bargain books from the atria warehouse sale - i think i overspent here, considering that i haven't even touched the books i bought in karachi, but i'm consoling myself with the fact that they were just too cheap to resist and i'll be giving two of them away as christmas gifts!
  
• a christmas tree - as per family tradition, first year's bonus goes to buying the family a christmas tree. am a little disappointed with the ones i've seen so far, though...
  

i hate shopping for clothes... it's so hard to find stuff i like that fits and doesn't blow my stressed out year-end-christmas-wedding-season budget.

on top of my shopping i also need to bring joel to the groomers', fix a burnt ceiling fan (don't ask), clear/dry/iron my weekly laundry load and squeeze in time to get some weekend work done. tell me again why weekends are *special*?

---

media wishlist :

music : 9 crimes - damien rice
movies : borat - cultural learnings of america for make benefit of glorious nation of kazakhstan

it's been raining everyday for the past couple of weeks, yet i'm reminded of something i wrote circa 2004 -

break-ups, relationship mess and weddings somehow found their way into thisguy's packed weekend. having spent too much time dwelling on the sordid, surreal and sweet, in almost equal measures, i don't feel too inclined to write much more on these topics.

instead, i'll celebrate the shallower side of my weekend - spent ticking things off my shopping list.

am also bracing myself for a full on week at work, a company annual dinner to survive and a mad dash to clean up the mess i've made in the house before my parents get back in from the states. i miss my smaller accomodations - where vacuuming and mopping used to be a 30-50 minute affair. instead now i've got a living room, three toilets, 2 bedrooms and a staircase to take care of. it doesn't help when your housemate is a slobbering, fur-dropping, adolescent kid who only wants to run around and play.

culprit!

(written offline sometime between lunch hour and back-to-work-time)

there's nothing like being left on your own in a fishtank to finally free your thoughts. by fishtank, i mean that i'm in a glass room in a client's building, where i'm supposed to scrutinise (through various reports and stacks of documents) the inadequacies of a reputable organisation.

but in a room like this, i can't help but feel that i am being observed as well... not that there is any mistrust, but i suppose people are curious as to why i'm here.

it's been close to a year that i've been living my life as a corporate professional. winging it most of the time with snatches of freshly gleamed information and about as much confidence as a RM50 tie and GBP35,000 education can give, i've been brainstorming with senior professionals, telling organisations how to operate and perform better, growing a freshly acquired caffeine adiction and contributing as part of a machinery of checks and balances within the financial services system.

how've i been doing? apparently i've met expectations and exceeded some too. some work that my team and i recently put together was recently appraised by a partner in a middle eastern practice who mentioned that no one in the whole of the gulf could come up with more impressive material. i took this as a fairly good compliment, the track record of middle eastern consultants not-withstanding.

and so it is, that my efforts in juggling various side projects, social life and family commitments, not to mention waking up every morning to face rush hour traffic is well worth it. i really am in a good mood most mornings as i catch snippets of the morning radio show and marvel at the buildings that adorn the city i work in.

year one down, now what's next?