thisguy

excuse the bad pun above. :p

multiple projects, deadlines and client management - that part you dont really want to know about. so i'll get right into the other stuff.

fell ill on my third day in the desert also my braincells have been used up to remember the (arabic and non-arabic) names of 20 or so managerial personnel within 3 days so excuse me if the chronology of these events is off kilter. its a little hard to arrange the flood of thoughts and moments that've been passing through thisguy'slife the past week, so i'm just going to record them in a random list.

woke up one morning after a flu induced deep sleep to find the windows blurred by the after effects of a sandstorm. it's funny and interesting how this is a land where the terrain can shift itself around, washing away blood, ideologies and time. yet some of the tallest, most remarkable structures are now being built - to permanently stand and mark out the shifting sands.

despite being one of the more stubborn amongst my peers in terms being drawn to malaysian life and wanting to live there long term, earlier this year i started toying with the idea of migrating someplace else. over homecooked dinners at two malaysian households displaced to the desert recently, i got a first hand look at what migrant life is like again. the free-er lifestyle and better money offset by displacement and subtle isolation - stuff to keep thinking about for now.

we got stuck in the soukhs yesterday. the narrow street stalls that were closing shop got us lost in the belly of the city. stumbling to find our way back to the main streets we walked through alleys where black shiite flags were hung high, pictures of holymen and possibly freedom fighters adorned some of the archways. basically pretty unerving stuff, even though both of us were born in predominantly moslem countries.

we found our way out safely, although paranoia kicked in at one point i thought we'd next be seen on a breaking news channel.

still, this is a country where

- my apartment cable network has more phone-sex channels than actual programming.
- where there actually is a church right beside a mosque
- you can get a couple of pints of guiness on tap in british styled bars
- you get calls at night in your room phone asking if you "want lady"

yet a few blocks down, away from the luxury cars and migrant workers, there're entire neighbourhoods that look like downtown basra.

despite me counting the days till i get home again, i'm quite fascinated with this city.

anyone who's ever seen a blue october video will understand when i say - grown up straight men with eyeliner shouldn't be allowed to appear on tv.

so perhaps its a new phase of emo-disease i have. first i confessed to having a weakness for my chemical romance, now its blue october. wtf. it's those damn violins/mandolins in that Into the Ocean song. (since when do songs get their own wikipedia entries?)

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my colleague's flown off, leaving me all alone in this nice apartment in the middle of the city, in the middle of the desert. i've got stacks of dvds and downloads to get me through the weekends so this is going to be the best solitary confinement i'll ever have. the kitchen and fridge is stocked - pasta, instant noodles, precious pork sausages and even stuff like onions, garlic and sauces - all ready for my cooking whims.

tomorrow i aim to venture into the desert to see a tree that's somehow survived in the middle of the desert dunes. i hope my trusty toyota saloon car doesnt get stuck. in any case, if you don't see this blog updated soon, please do send a search party and look out for a lost chinese boy clutching onto his mp3 player and water bottle.

this business trip away, although putting my social life in paralysis, has given some good time to catch up on some reading, side projects (check out thecicak's new look!) and chatting with friends from different time-zones. i've also finally gotten around to downloading some new music. a little late, but i'm really getting into muse's new album - too bad i missed out on their kl gig. oh - speaking of gigs - shakira's performing in the region. bless those hips - they really don't lie.

slow day at work which kind of picked up towards the end - doing a job where your productivity and value add relies on the cooperation, coordination and camaderie of other people is really challenging, but when things work, its also extremely cool - gratifying even.

had the urge to sit in a cinema since i've been sulking because i'm missing out on the release of 300, in pursuit of happyness and mukshin back in kl. so right after work i delayed dinner even though i was hungry and checked out the local cinemas here. a ticket costs RM25, crazy right? i'll have to wait 2 weeks for 300 to open here, but apocalypto was showing, so i caught that instead. pretty well crafted movie, but didnt really see the point of it all, perhaps because i was expecting more of an epic storyline.

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i think one of the main reasons why i like travelling and displacing myself so much is so that i can find my centre again. (random aside : did you know "centre of gravity" is a now buzzword in the management consulting lexicon?) i've been doing quite a bit of thinking - about my life thus far, choices ahead, parents and loved ones. it's quite nice how this quiet space away from home has opened up pockets of time for me to spend entirely on myself yet i still find myself thinking of all the other people i could be spending time with.

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so i made my trip out into the desert, took a detour to the south tip of the country where a mega development project is underway - to build luxury property on reclaimed land in the shape of a cluster of islands in the sea. nothing much was built yet, so the nicest thing there was just a model of what the project would look like.

made my way back up and on a whim, i went out to touch the Persian Gulf. the seaside here stretches on for miles and shallow water seems to go on for a few hundred meters. didnt get to see any fishermen tho.

when i finally got to the place i was looking for - the tree of life, it was almost perfect for picture taking. i was disappointed that there aren't any sand dunes around in the desert here. but the tree itself is picturesque, set on a little hill amidst an otherwise barren landscape, its leaves were tiny and some of its branches scooped down into the sand then back up again, like bamboo shoots.

after seeing it for myself, i think i understand why this tree has become a tourist attraction. its beauty lies not in its symmetry or shape or colour, but there's a sense of strength you get from it. no wonder people say it has the qualities of eternal life. it gets beaten by wind and sand and sun on a daily basis, but for 400 years, somehow it has survived and found sustainence for itself to remain on that hill.

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i was just having some random thoughts while eating my dinner alone at the food court. over the past couple of years, i've surprised myself at how much i've been able to take on - how i've managed to get past the crises within and around me. i don't think i could have done it quite as well if not for my roots, sustainence and faith. if you're reading this and you're going through your own crisis, i hope you too find your ground and hold on till its over.

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on a totally unrelated note - who the heck is mika? they've been playing this grace kelly song on radio here and its stuck on my playlist now.

i spent the weekend here driving around, getting lost, finding the way again and doing random things like finding the ocean and learning about shisha pipes.

i suppose its good to surrender to randomness of new surroundings. but that also sometimes serves to make you miss the comforts of a life less random.

is it possible to miss two cities at once?
here's something i wrote a few years ago.

15 minutes to 9.05am

its early morning- 9am is too early.
i stumble out of bed and get ready for class in just over five minutes, microwave a hot drink and fumble with putting my eyes in. and i leave for classes. i take a route through traffic lights, - passing a mad trail of suits, joggers and the occasional homeless person staggering in a drunken stupor. all facets of possibilities. pieces of each other, living off the city- a symbiosis in this urban jungle- the rich feeding off the poor feeding off the rich. and then there are the lesser parasites- people like me- the odd immigrant student- part parasite, part harmless observer.

i make my way through the green lights and squeeze through the reds- pass the bakeries, the morning diners, newstands with headlines i read to catch up on what the masses are thinking about. i wonder sometimes if "the end of the world is today" was plastered on those billboards, would anyone really give a damn ? prolly not. i walk on through the alleyway shortcut i know- the smells of the thai restaurant mixing with the british fry-up place- wafting and reminding me that a watery cup of milo is not enough for a young adult to have for breakfast. but i digress. i'm actually rushing.

and so i rush on, passing by a park, i always look out for people out walking their dogs, and wish i was them. its bound to be the most satisfying thing - waking up in the morning, taking a nicely coiffered dog out for a stroll in the park, while the students hurry by. Then i realise, life is like this- always about different perspectives, if i really were a 65 year old out walking my dog on a calm monday morning, i'd prolly be wishing i were the student rushing to university, young and burdened but ultimately, filled with purpose and possibilities. so i tell myself life is fair and my morning must go on and i have 3 minutes to reach my classroom 10 minutes late. i go on, sidestepping the sidewalk cracks and lugging my satchel.

life goes on, sometimes we forget the reasons, we don't talk about the before and after, and get too stuck in the moment of things- but its not always bad to be stuck. in fact sometimes it's pretty damn beautiful.

beauty in the mundane on a monday. classic.

thisguy circa 2004