thisguy

i slowed down to avoid running over a boy who was crossing the road near my old highschool. he dashed across the street and turned to look at me midway - we looked each other in the eye and i realised he look somewhat like me ten years ago - prolly crossing that same road - reckless as ever.

i read a list someone wrote online about the things he would tell himself 10 years ago in a letter. if i could sum my letter up in one word it would be ... slowdown...

i am a crunching rock song, driving deep and drenched in D chords.

i am pensive to the point of perverse pessimism.

i am frivolous to fancy and fleeting flirtation.

i am laid out flat on a moving round surface, apparently, i am spinning.

2000 plus years of enlightenment and we've made a science and art out of smoothing things over.

in the world of economics, there're interest rates, exchange rates policies, stock market regulations and credit ratings to manipulate, and voila - another depression averted.

in the world of socio-politics, there're government propaganda, anti-demonstration laws, the universities and colleges acts, mass media censorship and gag-orders to manipulate, and voila - another tiananmen square averted.

while peace and tranquility is well and good, is it really healthy to partake in this much manipulation? how much longer can we pass bad credit around and silence dissent on the ground - before the tipping point is reached - and all hell breaks loose?

you can only smoothen something out if you see the whole picture. otherwise, you're just shifting shit around. sooner or later, a big wave of crap is going to come our way and let's hope short-sighted manipulators are the first to feel the brunt of it.

"...flowers gaze at you, they're not the only ones - who cry when they see you"
- boston

i can't quite put my thoughts tonight in words coz they keep taking on the shapes of mellow songs. instead -

I need
a hundred cigarettes,
a drink of cold water from somewhere new,
to find out what makes her laugh.

I need something to push against

that will push back just hard enough

to keep me up...