thisguy

disco dancing, we're dearly driving disarray
whirling dervish, wont you whirl my world away

i realised today how very lost i am. i have my gravity to keep me down, my spirtuality to keep me calm and my love to keep me warm. but i really don't know where it is i'm going and who it is will take me where i need to be. it's not so much the lack of direction, but the lack of knowing which direction, which instinct, which scent to follow.

i went to bed last night with thoughts of how i'd turn things around, quit my job and start a revolution. woke up at 5am and realised how flimsy the notion was - it wasn't even anything close to a dream.

i think one part of me has let the other part of myself down. i tell myself i'm sorry and i'll need time to figure this out, but time is killing off the dialogue between the two distinct parts of me.

times like these, i'm grateful for what few certainties i have going for me right now... the bits of me that i know i am and i know i want to pursue. perhaps everything else is just a "good-to-have".