thisguy

so it's been a hectic couple of weeks. i've missed out on telling the stories about the big carpark fight, drunken conversations, car conversations, octoberfest public debauchery and some other stuff my perpetual memory loss state will not allow me to tell.

in between all that i've been working my arse off, weekends, weekday nights, meals in my cubicle and swimming in numbers.

i read somewhere (i think it was a chicken soup book) about how this guy who's a workaholic shares his experiences in dealing with work pressures and family. he wrote about how at the end of each gruelling day in the office, he'd come home and before getting in the door, he'd lean on a particular tree in his garden. this he called his leaning tree. as he leaned on this tree everyday, he'd transfer all his stress, burdens and work matters to the thick bark of the tree and when he was done, then only would he enter his house to face his wife and kids.

i read this a couple of years ago, way before i started work and even then i'd think about how simple yet impossible it would be to have a leaning tree. the cynics amongst you who know me, might call a nice pint of guinness my own personal leaning tree. but truth is, it's not. i'm still looking for it...

Photo : eggcube.com

this has been a super chill weekend. devoid of work responsibilities for once. the weather has been amazing, the traffic jams haven't - yet they've contributed in part to the more interesting moments this weekend. my thoughts don't connect, so i'll write them as they came - disjointed and random.

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bae was at the wheel, driving his drunkard friends home. i looked out at the side mirror. windows were down. alcohol and cigarette perfumed the night air and wind rushed at my slightly sticky face. i stared hard at my eyes and wondered what ever happened to the big saucer-like eyes that i had once upon a time. those eyes gazed at the mundane with child-like wonder, and more importantly, they let people in - rarely discriminated, rarely doubted and they would stare back with confidence - eyes wide opened.

these days, my eyes are small, heavy, still, faded and they rely on the muscles of my face instead to project confidence. my small eyes seem strained from guarding other people's secrets. shrunken and sometimes more piercing, i'm more shrewd where i used to be shallow. but i'd also like to think my eyes are kinder now than they used to be. stronger than they used to be. but reluctant to relook and relive the shit i've been through so far.

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it rained hard outside. i sat on her couch, that green suede-ish piece of furniture where we first held hands. she studied while i played with her dogs and napped and dreamt of stealing delicacies from a bakery.

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somewhere in a new york moment, something pretty special happened.

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back here in kl, i'm not sure what magic there is left to believe in or rather, what good it'll do now.