this has been a super chill weekend. devoid of work responsibilities for once. the weather has been amazing, the traffic jams haven't - yet they've contributed in part to the more interesting moments this weekend. my thoughts don't connect, so i'll write them as they came - disjointed and random.
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bae was at the wheel, driving his drunkard friends home. i looked out at the side mirror. windows were down. alcohol and cigarette perfumed the night air and wind rushed at my slightly sticky face. i stared hard at my eyes and wondered what ever happened to the big saucer-like eyes that i had once upon a time. those eyes gazed at the mundane with child-like wonder, and more importantly, they let people in - rarely discriminated, rarely doubted and they would stare back with confidence - eyes wide opened.
these days, my eyes are small, heavy, still, faded and they rely on the muscles of my face instead to project confidence. my small eyes seem strained from guarding other people's secrets. shrunken and sometimes more piercing, i'm more shrewd where i used to be shallow. but i'd also like to think my eyes are kinder now than they used to be. stronger than they used to be. but reluctant to relook and relive the shit i've been through so far.
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it rained hard outside. i sat on her couch, that green suede-ish piece of furniture where we first held hands. she studied while i played with her dogs and napped and dreamt of stealing delicacies from a bakery.
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somewhere in a new york moment, something pretty special happened.
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back here in kl, i'm not sure what magic there is left to believe in or rather, what good it'll do now.